


BellaDonna

by ismellitblue



Category: Black Lightning (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hoarding, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Touch-Starved, Touching, animal hoarding, poison touch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23000836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ismellitblue/pseuds/ismellitblue
Summary: After Jen breaks up with him, Khalil retreats into the woods, and promptly loses what's left of his mind...he rebuilds from there.
Relationships: Anissa Pierce & Jennifer Pierce, Grace Choi/Anissa Pierce, Jefferson Pierce/Lynn Stewart, Khalil Payne/Jennifer Pierce
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Black lightning.

He was poison… _literally_.

He was toxic towards Jen.He was the venom that killed his own mother.Killed Tayvon, nearly killed Anissa and very nearly killed Jen too.

 _Toxic_ …that’s all Khalil was.

The ASA was right to deprive him of the comfort of touch-he didn’t deserve it .But after months of no skin contact, he was hungry for it.

He remembered his mother,the warm hugs she used to give and the softness of her hands when she patted his cheek.Stolen kisses with Jen.and Mr P’s reassuring grip on his bare shoulder after a good run.

All that was gone now, and to think he’d once thought he’d lost it all when he didn’t have use of his legs.

Going back to the train car wasn’t a smart move, but it was all he had.If the Pierces came looking for him there,he’d hide and ignore them.If the ASA came he’d put up a fight,if only to insure that they had no other choice but to kill him-for good this time.

A discarded chip bag rustled,and Khalil turned his head to it,watching as a small black spider made its way out.

He caught sight of a blood red underbelly,and the part of him that was more machine than man began rattling out facts.Going from the scientific name to the amount of venom needed to kill a hundred men.

Black widow spider,the part of him that wasn’t a machine whispered and he went with that.Watching the creature slowly approach-it was going to touch him-then it was going to die.A large number of mosquitoes had met a similar end over the days, and on one particularly awful day,it had been a blue butterfly(not nearly as painful as his mother’s death,but seeing the blue wings flutter helplessly before going still had been terrible).

The spider clambered up his hand, and he hated himself a little bit for enjoying the contact,only a few months into not touching and he was killing insects for a bit of affection.

He held his breath,feeling the feather light touch of the multiple legs and waiting for it all to stop,for him to get off the floor and pick up the tiny body.

Only,the moment never came.

The little creature kept moving,making its way up his uncovered arm, unbothered by the green poison snaking its way up the spider’s hair thin legs.He sat up so fast,the spider lost its perch, he caught it in the palm of his hand,careful not to crush it.

“Hey,girl”After so long keeping quiet,the sound of his own voice startled him, and he cleared his throat,trying to get rid of the gravel there.He watched the spider move around on his palm before starting its upward track again,settling behind his ear.Tiny vibration going through the shell of his ear as the little creature,still very much alive, got comfortable.

 _Oh_.


	2. Chapter 2

He’s at the abandoned train station for a long time-he stops counting somewhere in the second month.He should be more bothered by it,but he’s got friends now, and that keeps him plenty busy.

After Jasmine,the sassy black widow that thought she owned the space behind his left ear, more creatures-venomous ones-kept coming.He woke up one morning to a death stalker scorpion balanced on his leg.He’d looked like a Pete,so that’s the name Khalil had given him,Pete had quickly given himself a job acting as a living bracelet.

Then had come a tarantula(Betty), and within days of her arrival, over fifty eight legged tiny spider babies had been hiding in every nook and cranny of the carriage.

A week later he’d been out in the woods, doing his daily exercises when a black mamba had curled around his ankle and refused to let go.He’d named her Delilah, and the snake had somehow decided he was the best source of warmth in the world.Calling out the vipers hiding in the old pipes and having all of them pile on him.They might have been cold blooded,but they gave the warmest touches he’d had in a long time.

More and more creatures,from fireants to wasps had come.And Khalil found himself unable to turn away any of them.

“Has anyone seen my socks?”A scorpion-so pitch black it gleamed in the low light, pointed its thick tail to the only couch in the area.

“Thanks,Jay”He slipped them on and headed to the tiny bunk,the snakes there slithering away from the center to make room for him,then once he was settled they slid beneath his sheets and crawled over his body, getting comfortable.

“G’night,”He slurred, and gentle hisses met him.

He stayed awake for a few more minutes, watching as the spiders spun their webs,the large intricate threads sieving the moonlight.When sleep finally claimed him,it was to the tap-tap sound of the scorpions moving across the floor.

***

With a cobra coiled around him,Khalil took one deep breath after another,meditating.

“How are you doing that?”The shock of hearing Painkiller’s voice sound anything other than murderous and vindictive,nearly broke his concerntration, but he kept his cool.

“Doing what?”He asked,his mental self staring at his mother’s killer-time had numbed all the rage he felt for Odell’s monster,leaving only indifference.

“Agent Odell fine tuned my abilities, and they in no way,included being able to communicate with and control other poisonous creatures,”The darker personality actually looked unsettled,like he didn’t understand how the ASA could not know something.

It was reckless and it was stupid, but an idea sparked in Khalil.

“Would you like to meet them?”Painkiller gave him an assessing look,and Khalil cut in before the other could entertain double crossing him.

“If you try anything I’m locking you back up, and this time I won’t even come to talk to you,”

If there was one thing Painkiller hated,it was boredom,the scheming look vanished,and he gave a sharp nod.

Taking the door down,was easier than putting it up, but even then it took some time.And when it was finally gone, Khalil tensed,waiting for Painkiller to charge him.But the other remained calm, his hands settling around the cable loops on his neck as he stepped out of his cage.He made his way past Khalil with a smirk, and when the body opened its eyes…Khalil was no longer in charge.

***

Painkiller, could not sit still, he had a mission to complete.

Eliminate the entire Pierce family, Agent Odell’s voice said.

That’s what he had to do,what he’d been created to do.

The king cobra around him raised it’s head,staring at him quizzically, clearly aware that something had changed, and that cut off his train of thought.

He had not been created to be able to bond with anything, and yet all these creatures,flocked to him.Raising a hand,he gently patted the cobra’s head-the first none violent contact he’d ever had,and the snake instantly relaxed, it’s head coming to rest on his shoulder.

He watched as the fire ants moved over the floor,carrying what was very obviously the remains of an animal.

Then out of nowhere,all the activity in the room stopped, all of them focused on the sudden squeak that had cut through their silent activities.

A mouse,small and fluffy made its way to the room, and out of nowhere the mamba that curled beneath a large coat moved.Lightning quick and absolutely soundless as its fangs sank into the rodent,it was dead before it even knew what was happening and the mamba retreated into a dark corner to enjoy its treat.

It was over in approximately fifteen seconds, but Painkiller’s world had stopped.

 _That_ ,was what a predator looked like.

He saw himself as a predator,but what kind of apex predator took orders-he should be killing who he wanted, when he wanted,like the mamba-but instead,Agent Odell rang Pavlov’s bell and he came running like a well trained golden retriever.

But without the old man’s guidance-Who was he?What was he if not a biological weapon?

When the world fell away,and he found himself next to Khalil , he didn’t say a word, simply making his way back to his cage and settling into the same lotus position the body was in.

Clearly this needed some thought.


	3. Chapter 3

He’d stopped locking up Painkiller, destroying the cage altogether...something he still wasn’t entirely sure was a good idea.But the simple action had brought changes to their shared mindscape.

Doors…lots of them.

Some opened with a thought, while others refused to budge. Khalil could hear voices coming from behind the locked ones, but whenever he called out no one answered.

He’d taken to wandering the hallways, exploring the doors that would open. Some of them at least, he’d opened one only to be met with his brother’s laughter. Keenan running around their old apartment,and holding up one of Khalil’s toys and refusing to give it back. He hadn’t remembered that day, probably too young to.

But then some of the doors had started revealing other memories. Fights he couldn’t remember getting in shortly after his brother’s death. Awful things he’d said to his mother(why had she never said anything?), the fires he’d gone around setting(how had he never been caught?).

It was him, in all the memories he knew it was him, but at the same time-it wasn’t.

“Keeping secrets from yourself?” Ignoring Painkiller’s mocking tone, he made his way past him,deliberately bumping shoulders with the other.

Scenting weakness, Painkiller followed, and Khalil steadfastly ignored him, randomly opening a green door that led to the memory of the abandoned park he used to jog through every morning.

Sitting down on a moss covered rock, he looked up at the morning sun, eternally trapped halfway through sunrise.Painkiller went to stand by foggy lake,looking around, but not in the way of someone enjoyed the view. His gaze was sharp, his eyes roaming over everything, checking for threats.

With a satisfied nod he went over to Khalil, picking his own rock to sit on, the two of them staring at light dancing over the water in silence.

***

“Do you ever get scared?”Khalil asked, breaking the silence. For a moment, he thought Painkiller was just going to ignore him, but he didn’t.

“What’s there to fear,either you kill something or it kills you,”The other said,catching a stray leaf and observing it.

“Is that why you killed my mom, and all those people?”The question took them both by surprise,and Khalil tensed, ready for a fight to break out, but the other just dropped his leaf , looking thoughtful.

“Nichelle Payne was a mission-terminate with extreme prejudice-there was no fear there, I just followed orders,”Rage bloomed, red hot and fierce for a few seconds before it cooled again,and Khalil stared right at Painkiller’s cold eyes-Jen’d told him she saw death there, but all Khalil saw was emptiness.

“Didn’t you ever stop to question?To wonder why you were being sent to kill a civilian woman,”Painkiller shrugged,standing with the grace of a panther.

“Charge of the light brigade,”Was all he said, and the phrase brought up a line from the poem… _Theirs but to do and die-theirs not to wonder why_ …

“So that’s it-you just followed orders-like a dog?”This finally got a reaction from Painkiller,rage briefly flashing across his features before a smirk settled on his face.

“Not anymore,”He hissed,and just like that an impromptu, sparring session began.

Within a few seconds,Khalil was on the ground.

“You’re soft,”Painkiller said, a heel planted on Khalil’s chest.Balling his fist,Khalil drover it into the other’s calf,and grabbed and twisted the leg,immobilizing his opponent.

“…and you are cocky,”They stopped the fight after a few more jabs.and Khalil lay back down.

He thought he’d come to grips with his mother’s passing, but hearing that to Painkiller, she’d been- _just a job_ -reopened the wound. There was a door bell chime, and a red door appeared(the system they’d set up to alert them of changes in the real world).

“You go,”Painkiller walked through the door without hesitation, and Khalil was left alone,crying quietly. 

***

Somewhere along the line he’d lost touch with societal norms.

Internally he and Painkiller spent hours on end having debates ranging from philosophy to war strategies,which externally was him staring into space for long periods of time.He knew it was strange to cuddle with snakes,and wear live insects like jewelry, but no one was there to judge,so he saw no reason to stop.

He let his hair grow out, sectioning it into neat boxes and twisting the strands into dreads.His mane once again growing at an accelerated rate, the tips of his locs going all the way to his lower back.He learnt how to style it, and sometimes when he regained control of the body, he found that Painkiller had changed the style, allowing the smaller snakes to coil into the hair.

He’d discovered some time back that the creatures could communicate with him through snippets of images ,and that if he focused hard enough,he could feel their emotions.He commented on their exploits,cried over their hunting victories,laughed at their flops and felt true fear when they were in danger.He’d even gotten to the point where he almost always had centipedes clinging to the scar tissue along his spine-guarding his back-it was very comforting.

It wasn’t perfect, but after a life of near constant hard knocks, he enjoyed the peacefulness of it…he should’ve known better than to get used to it.

***

He was picking mushrooms(poisonous or not didn’t matter anymore) when his first encounter with another human being happened.

Khalil _felt_ the man long before he saw him, and Betty’s spiderlings hiding in his coat detached to go and see.They sent back glimpses of a man in civilian clothing laying on his stomach, a wound on the back of his head bleeding sluggishly.

“The man came out here to die-let’s leave him to it,”Painkiller chimed, turning the body in the opposite direction.

“We can’t just leave an injured person out there,”Khalil bit out as he regained control and turned towards where the man was. Delilah, who was coiled around their entire arm got jostled, and she hissed in annoyance, giving him a dirty look.

“ _We can and we will_ ,ever stop to consider the type of trouble you’ll be inviting to our doorstep?That soft heartedness is exactly how Tobias got his claws into you in the first place,”It was a low blow, but Painkiller wasn’t one for fluffy words,so Khalil let it slide.

“Since when are you afraid of a fight?I thought you’d relish the chance to have something to hit should trouble come,”Painkiller didn’t reply,choosing instead to disappear through one of the numerous mind doors,leaving Khalil to pilot the body.

He used the truce to make his way to the injured man,coming to a stop a foot or so from him.The spiders that had gone to investigate clung to him once more,others going beneath his clothes to settle against his skin,tiny legs scratching lightly against his skin in a familiar rhythm.

Making sure his coat sleeves completely covered his hands,he knelt down and rolled the man over, and was met with the very familiar face of reverend Holt,a very well known member of the resistance.

According to Painkiller the ASA had known the man’s activities but Agent Odell had ordered that he be kept under surveillance until the time came to scoop him up.Clearly that time had come and the older man had somehow managed to escape.

Painkiller was right,they really didn’t need this kind of trouble.But Khalil knew the man, he couldn’t just leave him like that. One of the internal doors cracked open and Painkiller peaked out, not taking control, but coming close enough that Khalil could hear him.

“Fine,take him, but whether he lives or not, Seela and I still are going out tonight,” The reticulated python(who hadn’t died form their touch thanks to latent venom) was the most dramatic reptile Khalil’d ever met, and Painkiller for some unknown reason,spoiled her rotten.

Ignoring his mercenary side’s grumbling Khalil carefully picked the man up,being sure not to touch him directly, and made his way back to the train cart.


End file.
